What now?

I don't really know what to say. This week has been a lot less working to distract myself (ie: sewing for hours upon hours) and a lot more contemplation. That seems to be okay. Specifically in the last two days I haven't done any sewing at all. I've cleaned up our whole apartment so its finally relatively tidy (still a few drawers and things to clean out). I finally put away the clean laundry (the laundry room has had the appearance of a closet since we moved in). I have spent a lot of time writing in my journal and its taking me more time to write these blog entries as of late... hard to get my thoughts in order when I am not just babbling about sewing projects.

Carter would have been 1 month old today. That was hard. I'm relieved that we don't have guilt or sit around wishing the doctors could have done more. But that doesn't take away waking up on the 6th of the month and wishing there was something to celebrate instead of dread. Pete and I have talked a lot about not just losing our beautiful little baby, but all that expectation of her future that you cannot help but have. Thats what makes days like today hard.

Maybe tomorrow there will be some sewing. Or maybe some baking (I'm also supposed to be working on a pie recipe too). Or maybe something completely different. There is no telling what I may come up with. We'll do the early morning gym thing. I enjoy going with Pete even if it means I have to drag myself out of bed when he gets off work. And then we will just see where the day goes from there. The possibilities are quite endless.

...Lazy cover hogging dogs make me happy...