There is no plan.

Pregnancy is 9 months of planning. That is it. People ask what the plan is. You somehow know the answers... Are you planning on finding out the sex? Do you have names picked out? How long are you planning to take off work? What is your plan for the nursery? Do you plan to return to work? Any pregnant woman will joke about how ridiculous it is to be asked so many pretty personal questions about their life. But most pregnant woman will happily answer these questions. "Oh we already know its a girl due in June, we're pretty set on the name Carter. I'll be taking pretty minimal time off work as long as everything goes well. Oh yes, we are so excited..." Fast forward 30 days. That's it, that is all the time it takes for "the plan" to be upended, crushed, shredded, thrown out.

And to go from THAT to ANYTHING else in such a short time is... shall we say? A little tramatic. (As you may have already guessed) But I hear it every day. I think its part of my family having the attitude that "Lia gets whatever she wants." Thats a lovely sentiment folks, but I can't have what I really want so I would really like to just go back to life as it was. And I can't. I am not allowed to go back to work yet. I will not be as strong physically as I was last summer for a while. I will still have to have another major surgery. Hormonally, my body is still sometimes acting like I have a baby to take care of, it didn't get the memo. Unfortunately, funerals don't turn off estrogen. And hell, emotionally. Emotionally it will never... never be the same.

So, while I appreciate that anyone in the room will stop what they are doing to ask, "Oh what is your plan today? What do you want to do? What do you want to eat?" The answers are, "I don't know. I don't care. Whatever." And until the idea of planning stops being about all the things we thought we would be doing but aren't, that is probably going to be my reply on the situation. All other questions on any planning further in the future can be asked through Pete. Because the thought of what we will be doing ANYTIME beyond today still makes me hyperventilate.