Still Alive, Still eating...

Hello, Hello!

I am writing today to re-introduce myself to a readership that has not seen a post on this blog in... a long time.

I started this blog back in 2009 to discuss my favorite subject: food! And I wrote a number of posts that were very... academic. I spent loads of time on research and finding links and listing sources... and it was good. I got a little more relaxed about how I wrote and how much energy I put into my posts as life got busier and my health declined, but I was still always here to talk about food.

When my daughter was born 15 weeks early due to pre-eclampsia and then passed away two days later, life drastically changed. I needed someplace to write, and this blog was already set up... but food was quite far from the subject matter as I grieved and recovered from such trauma.

As I recovered, I tried to approach more subject then just grief and I found myself writing about craft projects, work, and every once in a while, a new recipe.

At some point, I moved to a new blog with a less specific name (prettypracticalthings.blogspot.com) and wrote about... whatever I wanted.

But I am back! And I'm here to tell you that I back specifically to talk about food.

Here at, "The Secret Life of the Pantry," I'll be going back to my original topic and sticking to all things that nourish our bodies and souls.

Stop in here regularly for recipes, meal planning tips, our favorite beverages and hopefully some half decent photos of all of these things. I will be writing multiple posts when I can and scheduling them to release throughout the week. It feel less organic to me, but I have limited computer time these days and drafting posts in a journal allows me to be more productive and efficient with my computer time.

I look forward to whatever this blog becomes as I approach its... latest evolution. I suspect it will be casual, fun, silly... and all about life's menu.

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

menu Monday. You are what you eat.

I mentioned in my post last night that I had been in a sort of funk...

But I got so distracted asking for rain dances that I forgot to tell you about my trip back from the blahs.

For a few weeks now, food has been a low priority. Which is always how I can tell when I am struggling as I am truly food obsessed by nature. When I get to the point that nothing sounds good, or I just eat because I am hungry and wind up eating a ton of junk, I know I'm down in the dumps.

So, here we were with very little edible food in the house and a hunger in my belly saying, "well just maybe you should cook something..." We have been overly dependent on eating out, especially me... since by default I end up eating restaurant food five to six meals a week at work.

I could not decide what to make first. What a good sign. I went from not being interested in cooking anything to not being able to decide what recipe to try first.

I sat down at the computer, looking back at recipes from pinterest, pulling out some old favorites, checking to see what was needing to be eaten out of our freezer. I compared my work schedule: my only close the night that Pete is out of town. And suddenly, I was meal planning!

Okay, I'm a geek. But food speaks to me. And when I've been blah, I can usually whip up a few extra vegetables for the week and turn my spirits right around.

After a trip to the grocery store, I was all set to get started! Pete had bought some meats at the store a few nights prior so I got to just mostly shop for vegetables, which is my favorite part of the store.

When I came home, I made my plan. I clipped up the necessary recipes to my menu board and got some prep done. I whipped up a few things in advance so that, "I had a long day at work," didn't become an excuse for Wendy's midweek.

So, without further nonsensical blabbering, here is what is for dinner this week!
Monday: We are just about to sit down to sweet potato and chorizo enchiladas. (I got the recipe here: http://budgetbytes.blogspot.com/2011/02/chorizo-sweet-potato-enchiladas-908.html) Its a new recipe for me but it has all sorts of things I love: sweet potatoes, chorizo, green chile sauce... Oh the smell is killing me! I better finish up this post quick!

Tuesday: I promised Pete eggplant parmesan weeks ago and I am finally going to deliver on that. We both love eggplant and I happen to make a pretty mean eggplant parm. I'm not committed enough to make my own marinara this week so its our favorite standby, sockarooni!

Wednesday: I'm a mid (11-8?ish?) so the slow cooker is all the rage. We are having barbecue pork sandwiches after slow cooking a couple pork chops all day. I attempted to make my own barbecue sauce last night, but it came out WAY too sweet so unless I can think of a way to tone back the sugar, I'll have to pop into the store for some sauce.

Thursday: I'm helping out at an event for a non-profit serving "hearty niblets" (literally, that is what the invite says. So it will be back home late in the evening for some leftovers (but it looks like we will have great stuff to choose from, eh?)

Friday: Pete flies off to DC for his reunion with his scout platoon from his first deployment and I'm headed to run a closing shift at the restaurant for what will probably be the busiest day of the year. So I'm not going hungry! I'm making up some black bean and corn flautas I saw on pinterest a while ago: http://www.phi-style.com/?cat=53

Saturday: Its a lazy day around the house with no husband to entertain me on my days off. And I'm making pizza for my day off from the restaurant! I'm enamored with spaghetti squash and so I just couldn't pass up this recipe: http://www.jennifervagios.com/2011/12/the-non-pizza-pizza-squash-style/

Sunday: We spend the day at the lake for Pete's grandparents 50th anniversary. No specific menu plans that I've been asked for, but one thing about Pete's family is they always throw one heck of a party, so I'm sure I won't starve.

I'm looking forward to some new recipes, a challenge to serve dinner every night and some delicious, pretty healthy eating in the meantime.

That's all for now friends, its time to enjoy!

moods of doom and gloom

Its been a few crazy weeks and I have been non-stop. A lot is going on at work, the housework seems always unfinished, both Pete and I have been stressed out leading to various miscommunications...

I've just been in a funk. And it was no secret. My boss noticed, my parents noticed... and poor Pete has been trying anything to catch my attention on focus off of whatever was bothering me.

And what has been bothering me you ask? I don't even know. I've just had a very full plate. And I like being good at things, having things that come easy, feeling success. As we discussed at lunch today, we all need small victories.

I took a couple days respite with some vacation time that worked out last minute and had 4 glorious days of not having to worry about the restaurant. But 6 days and nearly 70 hours later, I was desperate for my weekend to come. I had dreams and ambitions of achieving a fabulous adventure, cleaning the house spic and span, cooking wonderful meals, and maybe even having a fun date.

We were putting together our Saturday still lying in bed when Pete commented on his daily reading of the police blotter, "A fire just started in Waldo canyon."
"Oh, that isn't good." I responded. "There is so much overgrowth back there." Colorado is in this unique situation of having record high temperatures and record low humidity. Add that to the dry winter and spring and the situation isn't great. But, after that brief commentary, we put it out of our minds.

We were having trouble deciding if we were going to be outdoorsy despite the stifling heat or go to a movie when I walked outside to take the trash out.
A plume of smoke was rising in front of our beautiful mountain range. Black and ominous, and overwhelming. I looked at my watch. Only 2 hours ago Pete had mentioned the fire has just started. Holy crap this wasn't good.
I called Pete out to look at it. The already rather low mood of the day fell even further. We spent the day moving between facebook reports, news reports and going out into the yard to look at the smoke plume.

Our street at times, looked kind of like this

We talked to the neighbors more than we have... well, ever I think. "Did you hear how it started?" "Is Manitou going to be okay?" "Gosh, I can't believe how big it has gotten."

The mood was saddened. Depressed. One of the huge perks of our wonderful home are the beautiful mountains rising to the west of us. To see them obscured by smoke is heartbreaking. 

This was taken about three pm Saturday. Since then, the fire has grown to almost 3000 acres and nearly 10,000 people have been affected by evacuations. In some areas, these evacuations have been lifted and in others they have not. 

Unfortunately, this fire is small but take our attention is on it here because it is so close to town and so ominous. But currently, it is one of eight fires burning in the state, one of which (the high park fire in Fort Collins) is now the second largest in the state's history and has been burning for two and a half weeks. 

Just like my four day weekend, we need respite. We need rain, lots of rain, less wind, lower temperatures, and every willing firefighter available. Please pray, hope, cross your fingers, rain dance, whatever you can to send good vibes our forest's way. And if you have the opportunity to hug, kiss, buy dinner for or at least thank a fire fighter, do so... Because every bone dry matchstick like tree saved on our beautiful mountains will be a small victory. And with so much fire, even a small victory can be celebrated.

Not awful

I went in to work Monday afternoon thinking that my day off would be Thursday. I was a bit disappointed about having to work on Carter's birthday mostly because I was worried I would not be able to keep it together enough to have my usual sunny disposition I force myself to have around my employees. (I live by, I'm the boss, I don't get to have a bad day at work).
But I had scheduled myself because one of my new managers is expecting a child any second and I had a striking suspicion that she would go into labor Monday night in order to have the baby Tuesday... just so the universe could give me that little extra jab.
So I was pleasantly surprised when new manager called to say that he and his wife were just leaving the doctor and he had a favor to ask. She was going to be induced Wednesday night. So, he wanted to work Tuesday in order to be off Thursday. Well that was just an easy switch of who was off Thursday being off Tuesday. And that was ME!
I got the schedule all sorted out, had a slow in business but productive Monday and then headed home to enjoy  Carter's birthday in the company of my own little family.
We started by planning out where we wanted to hike. Devil's kitchen was one we had been talking about for a while. A short hike just the other side of Pikes Peak. Then we looked at what geocaches were up there. A year ago as we were getting things together for Carter's funeral, we bought a travel bug. We were struggling with whether to spread or keep her ashes. I think it is probably a hard decision for anyone to make for someone else. And these were our thoughts: she was just a baby, she belongs at home. Her entire life was spent in a hospital, she should be in a really a cool, beautiful, amazing part of the world. That was when Pete's dad suggested a travel bug in her memory. We loved it. Her ashes stay at home, but a trackable keychain travels around the world via geocaches to see sites, meet people, etc. (I'll stay brief in the explanation. See more here )
So we picked out a keychain to attach where people could write notes, and got a travelbug.
And it has stayed in the bag where her precious few items are kept in the storage closet.
So I was insistent we finally place it. But Devil's kitchen did not have any geocaches that were big enough to put it in. It also... did not really have any caches. There was one. In a 3 mile hike. So we stayed up late Monday putting together a cache, setting up the webpage for Carter's travel bug  (track the adventure on the geocaching website)

Tuesday morning dawned bright. I had a short conference call to make for work and then we were off!
But first a power breakfast:

I love lox and a bagel. Don't judge me. Its delicious. Top it off with a cup of coffee in a very wise mug and I'm all set!

The mood was kind of silly. We were both trying so hard to keep the mood light and excited for hiking, that we just became slap happy. We both got the peanut butter jelly song stuck in our head as pete mixed peanut butter into his mixed berry smoothie, "for a protien boost." We giggled and carried on, but every once in a while one of us would break back into, "Peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat!" (I won't link it here, but its a dumb youtube video from a WHILE ago. Look into it if you dare, but the song will be stuck in your head for two days, minimum)

And then we headed for the mountains. I played deejay and navigator as Pete drove. Oh, how wonderful I new car is!

When we got to the trailhead, we let ursa carry the geocache in her backpack. I tried to take a picture, but this was the ONE time my dog wasn't interested in being a camera ham!

You can at least see her pack here. She loves it. And we've been know to put a few rocks on each side... just to slow her down a little.

It was a lovely day for a hike. We found we wished we had brought our snowshoes, but the trail was passable without them. 

At the top, (devil's kitchen) was a really cool rock formation that framed the top of the hill with large, flat on top boulders. I tried to get a picture but it didn't come out.

The view on such a clear day was great from up top. 

And then it was time for LUNCH!
So, as luck would have it, just down from the top of the rocks was a very nice fire pit with wood left beside it! Not having to gather as much wood is always a special treat.
Since Peter could pretty much be crowned royalty in his ability to start a campfire, we tend to have AMAZING hiking meals. With a fire, you can have almost anything.

For this occasion we went with teriyaki beef kabobs with peppers, onions, pineapple, and mushrooms. We had fruit on the side. Pretty nice little lunch spread for hiking

Oh, and... Pinot noir. There is something wonderful about sharing a bottle of wine mid way through a hike. (You just have to make sure to be very hydrated and know your ability to drink at altitude.) 

After lunch, we dutifully put out our fire, left our new geocache in the rock formation and headed back down. Which is when we found... we hadn't really hiked UP to get there. So we made slower progress than expected. Funny how when hiking down seems level until you turn around.

Cheyenne Mountain. 

Pikes Peak. We are a little disappointed in this picture because in real life, the mountain dominates your view as you come around a corner of the trail. 

The nice thing about out and back hikes is you turn around and see a whole new view. 

Upon getting back into town, we showered up and had dinner with our friends in Manitou Springs. I didn't take any photos because I was concerned that a get together in honor of two dead kids birthdays (March 6, 2011 and March 7, 1998) might be kind of somber.

But you know what, it was very enjoyable. I mean, you put a bunch of hilarious friends together (yes I just titled us all hilarious), with Mexican food and Margaritas, its easy to have a good time, no matter what the date.

So, there you go. First birthday down. And it was not awful. 

It was pretty nice.

Its a different kind of...

I was maybe in college when my brother turned... I want to say it was his 25th birthday. I don't know if that is right exactly... just that it was a kind of monumental birthday, and I am almost 7 years younger, so I would have been about 17, 18.

I also don't remember how the subject was brought up. But I remember my mom saying that she hadn't ever been able to imagine this day. And I, and whoever else I was with, if there was anybody looked at her kind of confused. I couldn't understand that. I inquired if it was because of my brother's health problems throughout life. She said, maybe... no. And then she said something that struck me so that I remember it over ten years later even though I don't remember most of the story (and hopefully she remembers even less or she will deny this ever happening or she will correct me, haha). She told me that she hadn't imagined any of us as adults. Say it was my brother's 25th. I would have been 18 and my other brother would have been 14. This seems right to the conversation, so we will continue with that assumption. 

It was brief, in passing. But I remember her telling me that she had never imagined what any of us would be as adults.

Maybe it is in my imagination that she continued to say something along the lines of, "because how could I assume what kind of people you would turn out to be?"

Having experienced what I have, I think it was wise. Even with health and happiness and a wonderful life attached, who are we to assume how our children will compile all of that and turn it into the people they will be?

A year ago, I didn't imagine Carter turning one.

We had all the hope in the world. We had every reason to believe that things would be tough, but why wouldn't they work out? We talked about many things her life might include: what the nursery would look like, cute clothes, ballet lessons, mommy baby swim class. But it was all in passing. It was all silly conversation you make to convince yourself that things might be okay after a doctor breaks your spirit with how hard things are going to be, "best case scenario." 

It wasn't a hopeless notion to not start planning her first birthday party when she arrived in the world 14.5 weeks early. It was practical. There were so many bigger things to hope for... to plan... to worry about.

But that doesn't change the fact that she has a "birthday."

On March 6, 2011 a beautiful little girl arrived in this world. She was too small to cry but she whimpered and cooed, and I, even as near death sick as I was, giggled in delight to hear her little baby noises as nurses worked on her across the O.R. from where I was being stitched back together from my c-section. "That's a cute baby." The doctor said. Cute was a different word as 25 week babies are very... different in their beauty from the typical "cute baby." But we, as all parents do, saw her perfectness.

But her struggle was short and ended quickly.

So on March 6, 2012... there will be no balloons. There are no presents to be wrapped. There is no cake to be baked. 

March 6 will be just another day. And after months of thinking that the grief was getting easier, this is the hardest thing to acknowledge. 

Because it isn't just another day. But I still have to go to work. It just so happens that my boss is coming by. It just so happens that I have a conference call with the owners. It just so happens that some colleges and districts are on spring break so we expect to be busier. 

It just so happens that in every other area of life, business has to continue as usual... even though its the one day I wish that time could stop... or fast forward... or just... not be. My mother in law suggested we have February 29 every year in order to not have March 6. This seems genius. GENIUS. But then I have that moment of remembering that I am not the only one. And if we erased a day for every child that died prematurely, we would have ceased to have a life LONG ago. 

So instead, we will just keep on...

Happy Birthday Carter. You are missed. But more importantly, you are LOVED.

A lot of an update

Wowza, I have not written a post in FOREVER! We've been busy busy and it has been easy to eliminate blogger from the to do list lately. But now here we are, its almost MARCH and there are all sorts of things to share.

Work Work Work...

okay, this isn't work, but I don't take pictures of myself at work... so, this is me.

I have two pretty new managers and some changes to our cooking procedures so its been busy at work even though this is the "slow time of the year." Sales are up from last year, so that is always encouraging. And, business slowly starts picking up faster and faster from pretty much now until... well until we are slammed all the time (about mid May). We just keep building towards being ready for that. Progress is being made on the the two new restaurants my company is building this year in Colorado and things are good though there is always a project of some kind when you are the boss. Oh! I also got to go to Albuquerque for my first ever big girl business trip the end of January. It was for a GM conference. Fancy pants, right?

Pete...

Peter snowshoe trip January 8, 2012

Is still working towards having his own business. Well, he has the business, now its the making it successful part. Some days he finds more discouraging than others but for the most part he is excited about being his own boss and the work he is doing.

Ursa..

Is a little brown dog who loves to run and jump and play ball and cuddle. And she does all of those things every day, so her life continues to be pretty perfect.

My Health...

snowshoeing in horsethief park, January 2012

My favorite Pinot Noir lately. Not only is it called middle sister... the pinot noir is called goodie two shoes. Yep, that was me in my family all right, except that those would be boys on each side of me...

Seems to be good. While I got caught with my first cold in over a year the end of January, it passed quickly and I continue to feel increasingly better. My energy level is WAY up relatively speaking, I've been working out some, and we've been eating much better. So the prognosis, at least from my perspective is going to be as good as it can be when I go back for my six month post-op ultrasound in April. I do still have sensitivity in my belly from scar tissue (and just my actual scar that still itches a lot, thank you dry winter) so I tend towards skirts, leggings, and pajama pants. Pete doesn't seem to mind the super casual wardrobe choices, and his opinion is all I care about.

Our life...

Has been non-stop! In January we bought our first major appliance together, a used fridge off craigslist. After nearly a year of trying to make eating at home a priority with only a small  (not the miniest mini fridge, but pretty darn small!) refrigerator, we decided it was time to upgrade. And we did. It was a minor investment for something that has made a major change in our lives. We make dinner at home almost every day (at least 6 nights a week), eat way more vegetables, are constantly trying out new recipes... and to share in the joy of all that is the fact that Pete has been helping with the cooking... AND EVEN THE DISHES!

Steak, eggplant puree, and green beans 

We started the year putting our Christmas gifted snowshoes to good use, but in the last month, there hasn't been enough snow nearby!

Frozen waterfall, horsethief park

 We have still been doing some hiking and been making pretty good use of our gym membership. No camping recently, but we are excited to get a trip in SOON. We did buy an awesome map of the pikes peak area and have all sorts of day and camping trips planned.

I discovered this on pinterest. Cook apple over fire, peel off burned skin, roll in cinnamon and sugar. SOOO Good! You'll never think about a s'more again!!!!

 We went up to try and find a WWII era plane crash on a nearby mountain but it was very very windy and the area was rather snow covered, so we will have to look again another time.

Blodgett Peak. World War II era crash on other side. We hiked and hiked, but the 50+ mile an hour winds got to us, and we headed home before finding the crash site.

From the summit of Blodgett Peak. Gorgeous views, I wish the wind hadn't been blowing us over!

More recently, we bought a car!!! After YEARS of talking about how we should have two vehicles for two active, working adults, we did it and bought one. Just this past weekend we found a red 2009 Toyota Rav4. I LOVE IT!

We christened the new car with a drive and picnic up Old Stage Road. Less than 24 hours and in need of a carwash... yup! Definitely our car!!!

 It is a big upgrade from driving a '98 jeep which while we still have and love, but we are looking forward to being able to put less miles on it as it is... getting up there in age and miles.
We have also stepped up our home brewing with two batches (and a third to start in the next couple of days) working currently. Up first is an India pale ale, very hoppy.

Secondary fermentation in glass carboy. Currently there, Celebration Ale

 We just bottled it tonight.

Bottling.

 And while it smells amazing, it has nearly three times the hops we have used in past recipes and I'm no hop-head... but that won't keep me from giving it a try in two weeks when the bottling phase finishes and its carbonated. We also moved our celebration ale from primary to secondary fermentation.

That means about three weeks to finished and wow does that seem like it will be the most perfect beer in the entire world. Our next batch will be a dunkelweiss. Pete is a fan of dunkels because of his time in Germany, I am excited about this because our favorite beer ever was a micro brew called "pompous ass" (dunkelweiss) at the San Marcos Brewery in California. We are far from San Marcos, but our version of a dunkel is just 4-5 short weeks away. The other wonderful thing at San Marcos was their hot wings. Pete says there is nothing better with Dunkel than hot wings. Perhaps we will have a hot wings and home brew party when its ready.
As wonderful as life is, there are still moments of grief.

 They are getting smaller and further between for the most part, though as Carter's birthday grows ever sooner, I hesitate at what the day will bring. I probably am dreading it and imagining it to be worse than it actually will be (or that is my hope) but much like the other days I expected hard (mother's day, the 6th of every month this past year, etc) I am just trying not to set my expectations of what I can or cannot do. I've come up with some ideas. Doing good deeds to brighten someone else's day, finally placing the geocache we had made in her memory (see more about another of our strange hobbies, geocaching here). But... I think we will just take it as it comes. Gently, slowly, doing whatever we need to do to keep our sanity... similar to how we have approached much of the last year.

I am crafting... I've done some small projects as time allows. I enjoy each thing I come up with... but with work and all the hobbies we enjoy together, crafts are not the first priority...

Needle felted bunny and honey bees

1:25am on January 1, 2012 seems like a good time to write a blog

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

With it being Jan. 1, the holidays have officially come and gone and we have survived... maybe even thrived. I got the final okay from the doctor to "return to normal activity." I've been training our new manager and work has been busy. Pete is moving forward with his plans for his business. Ursa continues to play fetch and sleep in random places around the house. 

It is nice to put 2011 past us. As Peter said during our champagne toast tonight: 2011 set kind of a low bar so we are optimistic about 2012.

haha... yes, its kind of like this, even though neither of us are on antidepressants

But I don't want to talk about that right now. I feel like I put that suckiness behind and turned a new leaf at my birthday... (read that post here) And while 2011 was the calendar to contain such harsh things, cutting it off by the 12 months I was 25 kept it compartmentalized pretty well. About the only thing that limitation excluded was the most recent surgery which has been... well, a bit of new hope as of now. 

Ironically though, I seem to have ended up with new year's resolutions none the less. I was just taken off activity restrictions for the first time since my E.R. visit in December of 2010 (on december 29, 2011), so it seems natural to want 2012 to be my healthiest year ever. 

That is really the big deal thing for me. To be healthy. But I also resolve to be more organized, continue succeeding at work, take more pictures, be active, eat more vegetables, celebrate small things, craft, sew, geocache, read and write....

Its a long list. But it does feel like its a long list in response to how rocky 2011 was. Working out, eating well, being healthy is a lofty goal considering the health complications I've gone through this year. But: a goal, that if accomplished would eliminate such a significant amount of the stress that I experienced this past year. Then there are all those other vague goals. Those are the things that take into account the joy that we did experience in 2011 and try to multiply it in the new year. Be more organized to reduce stress, succeed at work because I love my job, sew and craft because its relaxing, read and write because it is relaxing and enriching, etc...

Here is the thing about having new year's resolutions. Especially a long vague list of them described simply by verbs:

I don't expect to look back at the end of 2012 and think about how much I accomplished in these areas. In fact, the thing about having the kind of experience we had in 2011 is that, I don't expect any of these goals to still be of importance to me in 2013. Too much changes in 12 months to assume that all of these things will still be important to me that far in the future.

But I do know that as of today, these things are of importance to me. They are things that I find to be fulfilling and enjoyable. And if I spend an entire year resolving to organize and change the things that are stressful in life and embrace and do more of the things that are relaxing and joyful then 2012 really can be a pretty great year. 

And honestly, isn't that all any of us are looking for in a list of resolutions???

t-minus 8 days...

With my surgery in just eight short days, I have spent the time since scheduling it already realizing the differences and similarities to the last surgery.

The main difference is simply the lead up to this time around. March was an emergency surgery that I expected to schedule for many weeks later in a life or death situation.
But now, it is a scheduled time and place. So, I have much more time to think about the possibilities. And that's a very emotional thing to do. I wonder about stupid things like, "Does the food really taste as bad as I remember? Will I have to have those puffer fish contraptions on my legs that blow up every few minutes and hiss all night? Will they make me use the exhaling "torture" device?"
The fact is, this time is a little less severe so I have time to obsess and wonder about those silly things. Does it matter? No. But I'm wondering.

So needless to say, its been a stressful tone around here. We have talked about it endlessly and now it is just easier to distract ourselves.

And today was pretty successful at that. It was a nice day with my husband.
We started by sleeping in and then going downtown. I needed to pick up my paycheck and so we had brunch at a restaurant down there too. We went to an Irish pub where I had AMAZING corn beef hash and we shared a fantastic Guiness cheese soup.
While at brunch, we talked about starting a project today and Pete suggested we go thrifting. Yes please!
But we didn't know where to go close to downtown and ended up at this store that USED to be a goodwill. It is now an antique, vintage and homemade consignment shop.
It was so fun to walk around in. We found a bunch of super cool stuff. We had a ton of fun walking around and admiring things, but didn't find anything we really wanted to bring home.
So we moved on with our day. And Pete drove around a sorta back way so I got to look around at all the cool old houses and point out for sale signs.
But that wasn't all! We washed the car and then stopped at the sporting goods store to look at a couple things Pete has been eyeing. Since we were at the mall anyway, we ventured around for coffee. I had a vanilla latte, my favorite.
And we were heading toward the exit when I saw that the winter socks on display were BOGO!!!

One of the things I remember most vividly about my last hospital stay is that my feet were FREEZING. And pete just kept putting socks on me... And all the ones he had grabbed from the house had holes in them!!!

So I've been asking for fuzzy socks or slippers... And today was the day. I got these

They look AWESOME.

The afternoon was filled with a football game while I cleaned and crafted. And then dinner with the parents.
Kind of the perfect day. Definitely the perfect day to not think about surgery.

I've got 7 more days and 5 more work shifts before this all goes down. I'm looking forward to relieving the pain and issues I've been having the last few weeks, though of course I'm nervous too.

Ah well, its all in the works now!!!!

And the verdict is:

So, after five doctors appointments over the past two months, it is in process.

I will be having an abdominal myomectomy on November 14.

They will be doing a full abdominal incision, I'll be disemboweled for a second time this year, they will remove as much of the fibroid ridden tissue as they can, and then stitch me back up and I will be back to the healing process I underwent in March following my cesarean.

The idea is that, most importantly, they will be able to remove the three biggest fibroids that are 5cm, 8 cm, and 5 cm in diameter, stretching my uterus to a sizes three times the considered normal of most women. Then, hopefully I will be able to go back to living a pain free life.

There are risks of course. And benefits. And we can only hope that the benefits will far outweigh the risks.

My most entertaining moment was when the doctor said, "But, lets get back to bad news dr. K..." Atleast he knows what we call him behind his back, haha.

So, we shall see. In its worst, I will at least still be rid of the huge discomfort and pain. And that is enough to try and be excited about the process.

But let's fact it, I'm psyched about being cut open again.

So this is what we do....

Its been a busy few weeks here around the Hall house. We have been working, playing, working....
Oh, and I've been going to the doctor. Tomorrow will be the fourth appointment in five weeks.

This is a good thing because my pain level has... skyrocketed. A good day is a pain level of 3-4. When I finally decide to take Ibuprofin (about 4 times a week), 6-7... A couple of times, Pete has come around the corner to find me having dropped to the floor in the fetal position.

So, it was a wise wonderful coincidence that I started seeking the advise of a more specialized doctor just before this began. That was what my husband pointed out so wisely yesterday. Because when I first called for an appointment, I was mildly uncomfortable. And now look at me, having nightly dates with my heating pad.

Its been a longer and more intense process then what my original doctor had said the surgical process would entail. But I have been thankful for that because I know that this doctor's decision on where we should go from here will be based on the most information possible.

And, tomorrow is finally the official surgical consult to discuss my options, what a procedure would entail, and what happens next.

Nothing about this has been easy. Or wonderful. Or... well, it sucks all around. I hate that my life has suddenly been planned around my pain level. That multiple people in my life say on a regular basis, "You shouldn't be doing that." I hate not being able to physically exert myself.

So my wonderful other half reminds me that will end soon. That I will be better.

And so I turn my bitterness to the fact that I have to have a pretty major surgery to live a normal life. That, this surgery may only temporarily help and eventually, I'll have another surgery. That I have to plan my vacation time around medical procedures.

And then I spent some time on pinterest today. Pinterest is my latest addiction. Holy crap, I never thought I could spend hours online until I was told about this site. And I found this wall hanging of a Nelson Mandela quote:

Well thanks Mr. Mandela for a little perspective. While I may want to curl up and stay in bed, avoiding it all... that is so much less than I am capable of. So tomorrow morning, I will get up and have breakfast with Pete. I will be very quiet and contemplative, tired from having trouble sleeping. He will ask me how I feel. I will remind him how I hate doctors, am scared of another surgery and HATE this whole process even if it will make me better.

But then,
We will bundle up (because its getting to be sweater weather!!!), head out to the car and drive to the doctors office. Where we will take in all the facts and make the best decision for our family no matter how hard of a decision it is....
and we will keep on going.

But in the way of wise words, I also like this... Between figuring out my new position at work and figuring out my health issues, its definitely how I have felt the last couple of months:

So, 1, 2, 3, here we gooooo.....