one woman show

So I've come to realize that I have never traveled alone before. There has always been some family member beside me... or atleast waiting on the other side.
Now I wouldn't try and say that this trip is me traveling alone... I am sharing my hotel room and atleast a little time each day with heidi. However she is here with an agenda that doesn't include me. And here I am having traveled to a completely new place with no agenda at all.
I don't mind time alone so I find it... liberating. But I have come to realize that this is a novel experience for me... being in a strange place and yet. I got up when I was ready picked breakfast. Decided to work out. Went for a little walk. Sat by the pool. Had lunch by the pool... and now after making all those decisions... I still have like 4 more hours of day to plan.
I remember when I had been in California for a few weeks while Pete was still in Colorado fall of 2009 someone suggested I take myself out on a date. I did. I took myself to lunch and a movie. It felt crazy of me!!! I said I'm fine being alone but I don't do much outside of the box while alone. When Pete is away for whatever reason: the house is always super tidy, I get a ton of reading done, and we always have more money than usual. Why? Because without Pete, I am a complete homebody!!!
So here I am, totally out of my usual realm. And I have to say... its enjoyable.

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a pleasant view

There appears to be a geocache up there. However... all those bush like objects are cacti... covered in BIG spikes. Since I am not very confident in my rock scrambling abilities post operation... I will just to pass on this one. Great view though.

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completely full schedule

Tomorrow's agenda

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airport people

So I am headed to phoenix this morning for a mini vacation before i head back to work in the next few weeks. I made my way to DIA a few hours early as heidi had an earlier flight out than mine.
I have never traveled much. In fact... even though almost every flight I have ever been on has departed from or arrived at DIA I still don't know my way around much. I can't get anywhere around the airport without reading every sign I still don't really understand the east and west terminal thing and I dont know which parking lot is cheapest.

Now let me introduce you to my mother in law heidi. She has been traveling 2-3 weeks a month for the last few years. She casually strolls into the airport without pause. The biggest drama being that her "usual spot" in the parking lot is blocked off by construction.

Being here at 8 am on a Monday in mid April has given me chance to people watch more of these... commuter fliers. An interesting segment of the population indeed.

I will keep you all updated on my travels this week but it will be from my phone so forgive any spelling or formatting errors. Hope everyone has great week 8 will be.thinking of you from my pool chair.
Cheers, Lia

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10 Great things...

1) Its a gorgeous day.

2) Pete has a training class, AKA he is up during the day. I finally got to wash our comforter today, YAY!

3) We got a stove today! I'm excited to have that last little bit of independence in us being able to buy and cook our own groceries again.

...but I do need to go buy oven cleaner...

4) I had an amazing day yesterday hanging out with a friend. I had to help paint her house, but she bought me lunch and comiserated with me. Well, we weren't really comiserating. Just nice to have someone who truly understands the suckiness.
5) I'm spending 3.5 days next week sitting by an outdoor pool in Phoenix. There may be other things to do, but I don't plan on it.
6) Got our one essential home decor item that has been everywhere with us hung up today:

and ps, our walls are not that flourescent.

7) Haven't worn materity pants all week.
8) 2 more weeks before I return to work? (fingers crossed!)
9) I got my cookbooks unpacked sometime in the last week. Yup, that must mean we are really moved in!

10) My husband, family and friends are all pretty stinkin' awesome.

real quick

Just a quick little post to say: look at the cute little rosette I made out of ribbon. Expect to see it on a finished project soon!!!

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What now?

I don't really know what to say. This week has been a lot less working to distract myself (ie: sewing for hours upon hours) and a lot more contemplation. That seems to be okay. Specifically in the last two days I haven't done any sewing at all. I've cleaned up our whole apartment so its finally relatively tidy (still a few drawers and things to clean out). I finally put away the clean laundry (the laundry room has had the appearance of a closet since we moved in). I have spent a lot of time writing in my journal and its taking me more time to write these blog entries as of late... hard to get my thoughts in order when I am not just babbling about sewing projects.

Carter would have been 1 month old today. That was hard. I'm relieved that we don't have guilt or sit around wishing the doctors could have done more. But that doesn't take away waking up on the 6th of the month and wishing there was something to celebrate instead of dread. Pete and I have talked a lot about not just losing our beautiful little baby, but all that expectation of her future that you cannot help but have. Thats what makes days like today hard.

Maybe tomorrow there will be some sewing. Or maybe some baking (I'm also supposed to be working on a pie recipe too). Or maybe something completely different. There is no telling what I may come up with. We'll do the early morning gym thing. I enjoy going with Pete even if it means I have to drag myself out of bed when he gets off work. And then we will just see where the day goes from there. The possibilities are quite endless.

...Lazy cover hogging dogs make me happy...

April Goals

Its time to start taking things more than one day at a time. So, I've established the following goals for the remainder of the month.

• Establish a daily routine that includes morning hygeine, household cleanup, journaling, and evening hygeine.
• Work up to doing 4-5 medium intensity workouts a week
• Finish unpacking and organizing our apartment
• Establish reasonable spending goals so we can have one of our incomes allotted towards medical bills and saving
• Read one book for enjoyment and one for health / wellness learning purposes.
• Clean out Carter's closet. Set up memory box.
• Return to work :)

Doing some normal stuff

I've cooked a couple times this past week. It is nice to get back to such things. Saturday, Pete broiled some chicken breasts and I made a risotto full of veggies (mushrooms, red peppers, and red onions). It was a super quick meal before sending Pete off for an extra long shift. Yesterday, we stopped in for some pizza and beer at Il Vicino after seeing Jane Eyre. I had my FAVORITE pizza on our menu, that I haven't had since October since our goat cheese isn't pasteurized. Oh, I had forgotten how delicious the food is. (Eating Italian every day especially with funky pregnancy senses and nausea... you can start to take it for granted)

It was also nice to see some of my employees. Everyone seems to be excited for me coming back. Our new manager says he gets asked very regularly. (It gave me warm fuzzies) We were sitting near the front door so I got tackled by most of them as they came in for their shifts... maybe it was a good thing I didn't stop by a couple weeks earlier, I didn't have the strength for those kind of hugs then!

Tonight, Pete and I whipped up some beef kabobs and jasmine rice. I was going to make some hummus but discovered after dumping all the ingredients into the blender that the bottom didn't get put together right after the last washing and it was full of soapy water :( Hummus will have to wait for another time. I need to do some looking around the garage tomorrow, I must still be missing some kitchen boxes because I can't seem to find all the parts to the food processor...

I didn't accomplish much besides making dinner today. Its really my goal to start spending increasingly more time getting our house in order before I return to work. I'd like things to atleast start out clean and organized as we approach a busy summer of working lots (both our jobs get a bit crazy this time of year) and playing hard with camping trips and boating!!! And speaking of cleaning: there is still the baby closet. I find myself getting more sentimental about those things as each day goes by so maybe I should pack it up and pass it on to someone quick! before I find some lame excuse to keep everything. It can't be a massive pile of everything in our house that was baby related forever.

I've done a little sewing this last few days. I finished a little tank top that turned out really cute. Also, I started on a skirt that I am not sure is going to work out... More importantly, I've recently become a "costume mistress" for Pete's Aunt Amy. She runs a dance school of 120 students and their recital this year will be the wizard of oz the first saturday of may. I have 10 yards of aqua chiffon calling my name.

Its been four weeks since life changed so dramatically for us. It still hurts... a lot. But most of the time we are getting through. I still find a lot of things overwhelming. But for the most part, the light at the end of the medical leave tunnel is shining ever brighter and I am able to concentrate on healing up so that I can get back to life as it was... or atleast as close as it will be. I have quite a few things I want to accomplish with my remaining time off but for the most part, I'm just taking it slow and trying not to get too much on my plate.

And whenever I get down on where I am at physically, or get to talking about too many plans, someone is usually around to say, "Honey, let's just remember that you almost died a month ago." Now, there is some perspective.

There is no plan.

Pregnancy is 9 months of planning. That is it. People ask what the plan is. You somehow know the answers... Are you planning on finding out the sex? Do you have names picked out? How long are you planning to take off work? What is your plan for the nursery? Do you plan to return to work? Any pregnant woman will joke about how ridiculous it is to be asked so many pretty personal questions about their life. But most pregnant woman will happily answer these questions. "Oh we already know its a girl due in June, we're pretty set on the name Carter. I'll be taking pretty minimal time off work as long as everything goes well. Oh yes, we are so excited..." Fast forward 30 days. That's it, that is all the time it takes for "the plan" to be upended, crushed, shredded, thrown out.

And to go from THAT to ANYTHING else in such a short time is... shall we say? A little tramatic. (As you may have already guessed) But I hear it every day. I think its part of my family having the attitude that "Lia gets whatever she wants." Thats a lovely sentiment folks, but I can't have what I really want so I would really like to just go back to life as it was. And I can't. I am not allowed to go back to work yet. I will not be as strong physically as I was last summer for a while. I will still have to have another major surgery. Hormonally, my body is still sometimes acting like I have a baby to take care of, it didn't get the memo. Unfortunately, funerals don't turn off estrogen. And hell, emotionally. Emotionally it will never... never be the same.

So, while I appreciate that anyone in the room will stop what they are doing to ask, "Oh what is your plan today? What do you want to do? What do you want to eat?" The answers are, "I don't know. I don't care. Whatever." And until the idea of planning stops being about all the things we thought we would be doing but aren't, that is probably going to be my reply on the situation. All other questions on any planning further in the future can be asked through Pete. Because the thought of what we will be doing ANYTIME beyond today still makes me hyperventilate.